Serious:
1) Defend government institutions from the corruption via privatization. Social Security is obvious. Eliminate school voucher programs and overhaul education by eliminating standardized testing.
2) Champion economic protectionism where needed. This really applies mostly to China. China has centrally planned actions to specifically weaken the United States globally and enhance our deficit. They keep their currency artificially low and still get a warm reception from the Administration and Congressional free traders. Companies have integrated with china to reduce costs and now many of the ingredients in our food are shipped from China while farm subsidies keep US farmers from growing to their full potentials.
3) Greater private sector regulation. This includes stricter safety regulations on food and environmental regulations agreed upon by the global community. HMO regulation below
4) Guest-worker program, secure borders, a clear path to citizenship for existing immigrants that doesn't require a trip home, skilled workers recieve preference.
5) Increased income tax on ultra-wealthy (16 million a year+) and steeper gasoline tax to curb consumption. The non-profit, tax exempt status of many church-based programs would be examined. Perhaps the legalization of marijuana if only to tax the ever living shit out of it and make all those hemp monkeys cry realizing it was 300% cheaper when illegal.
6) Universal Health Care. Legalization of medical imports from canada and the removal of price de-regulations on drug prices should cause drug prices to sink to humane levels.
7) Increase in scientific spending. The first act I would do is to allow the swift passing of a stem cell research bill. Religious groups would be disaffiliated with government and there would never be "faith based initiatives" in my EOP
8 ) Paying down the debt and reducing the deficit. Taxes would be raised (starting from the highest income brackets down) before I would let the debt grow.
9) International outreach. Reconnect with the UN and establish that the US is once again committed to multilateral foreign policy.
10) Iraq/Iran: Obviously a troop pullout of Iraq. Work with U.N to set up refugee camps in Turkey Kuwait to treat victims of the expected religious/social genocides that will occur. With regards to Iran, I feel that becoming a partner and ally makes the most sense, but I would not support my newly ultrasecular US to be allied with Islamic fascists. If Iran installs government in post-US Iraq, that's another story. U.N would be involved
That would be my presidency
edit: oh and gay marriage legalization (though churches are free not to perform the ceremony if they wish) gays in hate crime legislation, gays outlawed from pay, housing, etc discrimination
edit2: AND NO COSPLAY