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/gag romance advice needed
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Author:  Jimbean [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 10:12 am ]
Post subject:  /gag romance advice needed
ok I need some romance advice. I met this girl irl a couple weeks ago, we started fooling around and it was cool, just having fun, no strings attached, no obligations or commitments. This was an ideal situation for me since all that shit with Maio just cooled down and because my last gf was very clingy and kinda turned me off to that. But, this girl has recently taken a serious liking to me... I like her too, and I like being sweet and passionate with her, but i don't want to be with anyone right now, and the more she asserts herself, the more it makes me want to run away.

so what i need to know is, can i salvage this "friendship" and continue to have a good thing with no strings attached even tho it's established that this girl is like in love with me? If so, how do I go about doing so? I've told her flat out that i don't want to be in anything commited and that I need my space for things to work... but so far nothing has really changed aside from her being like, "oh look it's been 6 hours since i last called.. aren't you proud of me?" Am I just being naive and the only answer is to cut her off and hurt her and put me back in the lonely tank? Anyone who's been in this situation... put me onto some knowledge plz
Author:  Matti [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 10:38 am ]
Post subject: 
Reminds me of the Descendents song "She Loves Me." lol

I'm not a "smooth cat" but I can maybe tell you some stuff. You have a couple options here.

a) Go with it and take advantage of her willingness to give it up.

b) Be honest with her, take it slow, and prevent things from going any further unless you BOTH want it to.

What it comes down to is whether or not you want to break this poor girl's heart. Situation a would eventually end up with her broken hearted and no possibility of a future friendship. I know you well enough to know that you would choose situation b though. Just take some time with her. Enjoy her company just don't lead her on!

Either way, you made a friend that obviously cares about you... keep that in mind. :D
Author:  fallenseraph [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 10:45 am ]
Post subject: 
The straight answer is no.

These relationships are great at first becuase they START out as "no strings attached." But humans are weak when it comes to emotions very easily (it's not just women). When you get close to someone on a personal level, either sexually or just emotionally, it draws them to follow their emotions. So these "friendship with benefits" never prosper beyond the course of a few weeks to few months at max.

You say that that you don't want to fall into a commitment and you want to just stay friends but she has already created an attachment that goes beyond friendship. The only way that you can stay friends without strings is basically keep saying I don't want to be commited and keep pushing her off. The relationship will falter eventually because no person ever wants to feel rejected. It might also come to point where she says either you make a commitment or she is leaving, then you'll have to make a decision. Be honest with her and tell that you are not ready to commit. (This is where you might struggle because your emotions are telling you that you like her and want to continue a relationship but your mind is telling you don't want to commit becuase of everything that has happened in the past.)

As to cutting her off, that is possibly a bad idea. You'll eventually have to let her go but do it softly. It's always good to try and retain some type of friendship with someone even though you had this type of relationship. All in all you have to understand that these friendships are great but always end very shortly (man I sound like I'm writing an essay.) Follow your heart, and if you want to pursue the relationship further, do so with caution becuase I suck at break-up advice.
Author:  Sefier [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 11:54 am ]
Post subject: 
are you serious w/this thread im sorry to say but your a loser IRL lmfao
LMFAO
Author:  Ultimaj [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 12:23 pm ]
Post subject: 
Sefier wrote:
are you serious w/this thread im sorry to say but your a loser IRL lmfao
LMFAO


<_< :?
Author:  Bladenic [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 12:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
Wow that's wrong Sefier. Oh and, jeez seraph, pshycology degree? lol
Author:  Matti [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 12:53 pm ]
Post subject: 
Sefier wrote:
are you serious w/this thread im sorry to say but your a loser IRL lmfao
LMFAO


Go away.
Author:  Jimbean [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 1:24 pm ]
Post subject: 
thanks Matti <3 and also Fallen, I appreciate your guys opinions and it's helping me reacha conclusion better. It's just tough, I never really been in a situation like this (normally i jump into relationships w/o thinking if it's what i really want) I don't want to hurt this girl, but I also just don't have the time or energy to be obligated to someone... ah well maybe seifer's right I prolly shouldn't have wasted your guys' time with this. someone can delete it if they don't feel like looking at it.
Author:  Hale [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 1:24 pm ]
Post subject: 
Fuck you Sefier.
Author:  Matti [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 1:27 pm ]
Post subject: 
Jimbean wrote:
thanks Matti <3 and also Fallen, I appreciate your guys opinions and it's helping me reacha conclusion better. It's just tough, I never really been in a situation like this (normally i jump into relationships w/o thinking if it's what i really want) I don't want to hurt this girl, but I also just don't have the time or energy to be obligated to someone... ah well maybe seifer's right I prolly shouldn't have wasted your guys' time with this. someone can delete it if they don't feel like looking at it.


You're going to make a lovely bride someday. :P


...and you're not wasting my time.
Author:  Shadowstalker [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 1:43 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hale wrote:
Fuck you Sefier.

Word, haha.
Author:  Matti [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 1:44 pm ]
Post subject: 
Shadowstalker wrote:
Hale wrote:
Fuck you Sefier.

Word, haha.


SS, I'm about to get a Japanese 57 reissue strat from 94...
Author:  Shadowstalker [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 1:58 pm ]
Post subject: 
Matti wrote:
Shadowstalker wrote:
Hale wrote:
Fuck you Sefier.

Word, haha.


SS, I'm about to get a Japanese 57 reissue strat from 94...


lol That was kind of random, but hot nonetheless.

Original hardware/electronics? anything modified? I'd rather see like a seymour duncan in the bridge over the american vintage single coil, but that's just a preference. ;p

Sorry to hijack your thread Jim. ; ; /bow
Author:  Jimbean [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 1:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
haha np i was actually going to reply to matti telling him to post pics of it. any thread of mine that gets hijacked to talk about something cool like musical instruments is a ok with me
Author:  Matti [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 2:00 pm ]
Post subject: 
Shadowstalker wrote:
Matti wrote:
Shadowstalker wrote:
Hale wrote:
Fuck you Sefier.

Word, haha.


SS, I'm about to get a Japanese 57 reissue strat from 94...


lol That was kind of random, but hot nonetheless.

Original hardware/electronics? anything modified? I'd rather see like a seymour duncan in the bridge over the american vintage single coil, but that's just a preference. ;p

Sorry to hijack your thread Jim. ; ; /bow


All original. This will be my only strat that looks/sounds like a strat. haha

My others ones have EMG 81s and Duncan Pearly gates.
Author:  Iolanthe [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 3:19 pm ]
Post subject: 
Just go with the flow, Jim. Don't leave your comfort zone and, like Matti said, be honest with this girl. If you're honest with yourself and her, as well, you can't really go wrong :wink:
Author:  Rakeen [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 3:44 pm ]
Post subject: 
Play dumb and just go with it while its good. Dont get attached and dont feel bad. Definately gonna have to get rid of her at some point. Of course a real playa usually gets rid of her at the first sign of attachment, well either that or he can milk it for all its worth. That however can be difficult if you have a soul, just listen to the little evil voice in your head and youll be fine.
Author:  Mintsy [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 3:50 pm ]
Post subject: 
weren't you whining a few months ago about how lonely you were and how you just wanted someone to love you?
it seems like your the type of person who just doesn't want to be happy.
you will never know what you will miss unless you explore it; if you end this, then you may miss out on something really good.
so many people are afraid to just be content.
Author:  Mys [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 3:58 pm ]
Post subject: 
Mintsy wrote:
weren't you whining a few months ago about how lonely you were and how you just wanted someone to love you?


I was just wondering why noone pointed this out. Aren't you doing pretty much the same thing to this girl that you were crying about happened to you? You can't really get involved with someone like that with "no strings attached" and not expect it to turn into a complete mess eventually. And anyway if you like her, why are you turning away this opportunity? I know a lot of people on these boards are probably single and just read "I like this girl and she likes me but I don't want her" and are probably like, wtf are you thinking. You can't wait for the perfect moment for everything, happiness doesn't sit around and wait for you =/
Author:  Jimbean [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 4:00 pm ]
Post subject: 
Rakeen wrote:
Play dumb and just go with it while its good. Dont get attached and dont feel bad. Definately gonna have to get rid of her at some point. Of course a real playa usually gets rid of her at the first sign of attachment, well either that or he can milk it for all its worth. That however can be difficult if you have a soul, just listen to the little evil voice in your head and youll be fine.


hehe that's great advice, but i'm a sweet guy, it's hard for me to not feel bad, I've played the other role before in my life.. like a lot so i'm empathetic towards her, and i'm not a player by far (i just crush a lot) but anyway, i'm from the school of thought, "don't cut them off til you find a good replacement"

Mintsy wrote:
weren't you whining a few months ago about how lonely you were and how you just wanted someone to love you?
it seems like your the type of person who just doesn't want to be happy.
you will never know what you will miss unless you explore it; if you end this, then you may miss out on something really good.
so many people are afraid to just be content.


dammit Mintsy do you have to be so harsh? Yeh i was "whining" about it, and the truth is that with each new botched person it just makes me feel more lonely. But I have needs, so I "try" things because you never know, or maybe you're right and i'll just never be happy. but i hope not
Author:  Mintsy [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 4:08 pm ]
Post subject: 
i'd really just give her a chance, because it seems like she sees something special in you. and maybe you don't see that in her, but real love doesn't happen overnight. it takes months and years and decades for it to develop.
and maybe you don't want to be with anyone right now, but by the time you DO want someone, it may be too late. its very rare that you get second chances in love, so hold on to the people that love you while you can. by the time your ready, she may long be gone...
Author:  Rakeen [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 4:22 pm ]
Post subject: 
Never!!!!! Kick em all to the curb! There is always someone better!!!!
Author:  Kwechi [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 4:24 pm ]
Post subject: 
Don't worry Jim, I kick Sef's ass for you.

On topic: Jim you play guitar at all?
Author:  Jimbean [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 5:43 pm ]
Post subject: 
ok i want to clear something up first off (i was running out the door at work before and didn't have my chance to say everything i wanted) to mys and mint, this thread wasn't really to cry and bitch and moan about the situation I'm in..just to merely ask for advice and opinons, which you guys gave so i'm grateful, mintsy when i said you were being harsh before i forgot to include an 'lol' cuz i was just joshing really.

See, i'm overweight, been overweight since before I was interested in girls, so a lot of the things and relations that people had in like high school and shit i still have yet to experience really.

I know that I probably shouldn't have gotten involved at all with this girl if i wasn't interested in seriously persuing a relationship, but at the same time it was one of those things that kind of "just happened" one night and based on what I knew of the girl prior , her falling for me was the last thing i was expecting really, hell iw asn't even expecting us to hook up at all either

I mean, she's fun to mess around with and we laugh and have good times, but she's punk rock and I'm an emo kid and those 2 extremes really don't mix well. my idea of a fun night is laying in bed watching sad movies and then talking about my feelings for an hour. Hers is going to some party finding a vegan, and telling them to watch as she swallows a raw egg and vomits it back up on them. Then, you pile on all my baggage and you have a recipe for disaster.

I don't think it's an issue about "wanting something better" as much as it's an issue of wanting what i want vs. my emotions. I have a good time with her and would like to continue to have a good time with her, but i know she's not "the one". To me, that shouldn't mean that we can't still have fun. However due to the fact that I'm nice and empathetic (I've been played), and have limited experience in the romance dept. I just don't know how to tell her how I'm feeling without either pushing her away or hurting her. which is really what the whole post was about.

But, you guys have given me some good advice.. just continue to be honest and tell her how I'm feeling w/o being an asshole about it, and to try and be more open-minded about the situation. I guess I'm just looking for someone I click with on all levels and what I haven't realized yet is, that person doesn't exist and that it takes a lot of time and hard work to get to a level where you connect with someone like that. So, I'll give it sometime and see what happens.

Thanks again guys.

Kwechi, go get him! and send me photos of his bloodied body lol!! yeh i been playing guitar for like 10 years though you wouldn't know it by how I play and what limited musical knowledge I have. I know all the major and minor chords and some basic scales and progressions, but aside from that I just love to play 2 power chord rock riffs lol. Do you play guitar dude? I never knew.. I know canadia does heh, he's told me he loves to get fucked up and play refused songs lol. I consider myself more of a drummer evn though I've been playing them about half as long as guitar, it's just what's in my soul to play. Oh and I think SS and Matti were talking about Basses >.>

~Jim
Author:  HitmanR [ Thu Jun 16, 2005 6:51 pm ]
Post subject: 
Jimbean wrote:
my idea of a fun night is laying in bed watching sad movies and then talking about my feelings for an hour. Hers is going to some party finding a vegan, and telling them to watch as she swallows a raw egg and vomits it back up on them.


lololol....

on a side note, check your PMs
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