LOL

TEXAS (CNN) -- In light of recent terrorist attacks, the Department of Homeland Security has issued a ban on all sales and distribution of the 1997 hit video game, Final Fantasy VII

The game involves the main character, Cloud Strife, planting bombs in power plants in a heavily populated city. The protagonist works with the terrorist group "Avalanche" bombing locations throughout the beginning of the game.

The decision was made only hours after the bombing of a chemical plant in Fort Worth, Texas. The FBI is still hot on the trails of the culprit, going by the hacker alias "frootloops". An FBI spokesperson told CNN at the time that investigators have already seized equipment in the culprits house, but frootloops was nowhere to be found. "Upon confiscation of the equipment, we found a large collection of child pornography on the culprits hard drive." said the FBI spokesperson.

President Bush has already indicated he's opposed to Square-Enix role playing games. "Mario doesn't blow up power plants" Bush said on thursday. Mario was unavailible for comment.

Parenting groups are also up in arms against the game. "These 'role playing games' are teaching our children to use magic and summon demons, they're destroying our childrens future and making them worship satan. We can't allow this to continue." Various forms of Magic have been a staple of every game in the Final Fantasy series dating back to Final Fantasy released in 1990 for the Nintendo Entertainment System. "It's almost as bad as Harry Potter!" A parent who wishes to remain anonymous said.

Sen. Hillary Clinton also is highly opposed to the game.

"First Grand Theft Auto, and now this. I'm starting to think we should just ban all video games. Final Fantasy VII is an awful game, and should have never been created in the first place. I mean, look at the size of Tifa's breasts! They're destroying our childrens future. The problem of explicit video games is spiraling out of control." Clinton wrote in a letter to the head of the Federal Trade Commission. Tifa's breasts were unavailible for comment.

Wal-Mart Stores Inc., Target Corp., Best Buy Co. and Circuit City Stores Inc. have pulled the game from their shelves following the recent ban.

white ppl...

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That happened ~3 miles from my office yesterday. The smoke was so thick that I thought it was about to start storming really bad until I saw it was some kind of fire. lol

I didn't know it was supposed to be a "bombing" - from what the news was saying there was a gas leak that caused it.

Post a link, ass.

That can't be real.

Hillary Clinton knows Tifa's name and used the word breasts? I seriously doubt that lol.

Then, off teh record, Hillary said "I wish i had breasts like Tifa, maybe Bill wouldn't have cheated with that ho Monica if I did"

True or not, that article was hilarious... and pathetic at the same time.

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And I still lost /cry

that can not be real....

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lol it's fake but it's funny.

Yeah, I showed the people in my office. They all got a kick out of it. haha

The sad thing is that could really be true

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wait im confused... Doesnt Mario blow up buildings too though?

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No MMOs currently played

hell no. he jumps on turtles... PETA is gonna be all over that soon.

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actually mario does blow up buildings in mario world he blew up the castles of the bosses
EDIT:
OMG EVIDENCE

lol "Tifa's breasts were unavailable for comment."

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hahaha, so obviously fake but definately made me cringe at first (being a Texan)

And yeah, Final Fantasy does teach us magic and how to summon, I'm already a lvl 20 blm/smn irl, and I'm only halfway through FF4, lol.

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I dont see him actually in the act of blowing them up. I see you trying to convict a poor innocent italian who HAPPENED upon a point of distruction which he had nothing to do with.

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Haha "poor innocent italian"

:P

Anyways, that article is good satire I think. first time I read it I almost believed it was real, which is what made it good.

I'm getting sick of Jack Johnson, Hillary Clinton, Joe Lieberman and Tipper Gore not doing their research before jumping all over something. GTA:SA was edited third party, "misused" you could say. If you give a small child a BB Gun, it could be misused and shoot his eye out. That doesn't mean you jump on the BB gun manufacturer because they intended it to be used by older kids

Basically these parents (a grandparent originally brought it to Jack Johnson's attention I guess) are saying "DAMNIT! I BOUGHT THIS 17+ GAME FOR MY CHILD FOR THE CAR JACKING, KILLING SPREES, COP KILLING, DRUGS AND ANARCHY, BUT FOR FUCKS SAKE IF I LET MY CHILD BE EXPOSED TO A THIRD PARTY SEX MOD, WELL, HEADS WILL FUCKING ROLL!"

Play the game then and see for yourself. Geez I didn't think people who never played a Mario game still exist.

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*watches something wizz over Pirato's head*


lol ive played all mario games sheeeeeeesh im was kidding O_O

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It's alright, I'm just retarded. Of course those people don't exist.

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Nevermind, I did play mario, played Super Mario World yesterday

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[In Yarr we trust.]

even if this was real, you got a fucking problem don't let your god damn kid play it >.>


but i found it funny true or not lol

OMG! SUPER MARIO WORLD FTW!!!!!!!!!! I must have spent more time on that game than on FFXI. Yayayay.

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WHITE POWER MOTHER FUCKERS!!!

TIFA IS MY IDOL WHY CANT ALL BITCHES HAVE HUGE brest...

If i Were a nAzi what would i like with my PIZZA WHITE POWER MOTHER FUCKER.. what the fuck do u think LOL HAHAH..

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FUCK OFF