I'm bored so I'm gonna make some big long philosophical post, this is something I've been thinking a lot about and I'm wondering what you guys think about the subject because it'd be useful to me to get some other opinions about it.
Ok, so, I'm looking at my life... I'm going to be 27 in exactly 40days. I have a fulltime job, I make decent salary, have benefits etc. I own and operate my own vehicle it's a 2004 mazda 3s bought brand new with like 25miles on it and I'm only a few thousand bucks away from paying it completely off. I take care of my disbabled mom who lives with me, I pay rent, gas, electric, phone, cell phone, car insurance, water, credit card, oil, and cable bills on the 15th of every month, and I always wonder how it gets to be the 15th again so quick. There's about 5 or 6 women I'm seeing at the moment that could either flourish into something serious or coast out into nothing, though between us, I'm not really interested in pursuing anything serious with any of them.
Now with that said, I feel there is another aspect of myself that pulls me towards acting and engaging in the same types of behavior and events that I would've as a teenager in highschool. These include but are not limited to: playing ffxi and other games like it's a second job, flaming ppl on messageboards about these games, having long hair and/or facial hair, drawing, writing, graffiti, playing drums, guitar, bass, singing, dancing, pining over maio, hardcore/punkrock, collecting: dvds, records, cds, comics, bootlegs, drinking heavily, smoking, watching movies marketted towards teenagers and enjoying them, ranting, pursuing philosophical conversations with ppl, etc.
Now... My dilema is this. I find myself pursuing and being attracted to women who're interested in the same things I am. Granted with everything else going on in my life between the adult me and the kid me, one of the main motivators to keep pursuing ventures in both directions is to be more interesting and successful. The idea is that eventually I'll meet a way cool chick like me and we'll settle into some nice white collar suburban bullshit mediocrity happy ending... you know, the american dream.
However, I'm finding that there's a lot less women around who you can fucking pound a 40 with while watching chappelle's show and laugh your asses off, then get on the drums or guitar and write some awesome song together, then meal out on some taco bell and finally finish off the night by drawing/writing together, or maybe you know seperating for a bit to play video games or read or watch a movie or something until getting sleepy, rocking eachother's world sexually and passing out at 4am to get up at 7am for work the next day and do the whole thing all over again.
No, the majority of women I meet are boring, faux sophisticated, workaholics with no hobbies or interests except for making sure they're planted in front of their tv screen at 9pm every tuesday so they don't miss this week's episode of amazing race. Their idea of going out to have a good time is brunch at the cheesecake factory, going clothes shopping, and then watching the sisterhood of the traveling pants while dowing a gallon of chunky munky and blaming it on their hormones. Now, this may sound completely chauvinistic, perhaps a bit misogynistic, and definitely pathetic/ignorant, but whenever I meet and start seeing a woman like this about the only redeeming quality to me about her is her vagina.
But hanging on to the chick(s) that I do have fun with and who're into the same things I am seems to provide unsattisfactory results in the romance dept. So, I'm wondering... when is it time to grow up? Should I put away my childish hobbies and tendencies? Replace ffxi with shopping trips to off the fifth, and my tickets to go see nakatomi plaza for tickets to les miserables. Or do I embrace these things knowing they're a big part of who am I and how I became to be who I am, and continue to wait for that 1 out of 12873821738927 girls who is actually cool and just maybe wants to be with me too, while feeling like I'm not getting any younger, and dare I say it, almost starting to feel uncool about the things I used to think were so cool, as if I'm some washed up old man trying to clutch at the straws of my youth and just looking pathetic.
I realize that I can only be me and do what makes me happy and hope this one of those things you can't really plan or have any control over, however, I know that I can be making decisions to pursue a more serious grown-up lifetsyle, just not sure if that's what I want. So what about you guys? How do you feel about your life and responsibilities, did you miss the boat? are you waiting for it? Did you go the serious route and are unhappy, are you still just having fun and enjoying yourself?
Any and all input regarding the matter is welcomed and appreciated.. thanks for taking the time to read.
|
like most guys around my age start doing too. Female are too much trouble to try and impress and be nice to anymore. You can take care of yourselves. Sad thing is, the less I try to be nice, the more memory slots I use in my celly. That speaks freakin novels for the female train of thought.