Ok - so alot of you who know me know what my life has been like this past year. It's been like a roller coaster of ups and downs. Maybe that's all that life is anyway. For those of you who don't I'll rehash a bit and for those of you who do I'll let u in on the latest.

September 2004 I lost my husband. Not the kind of lost that he goes to the grocery store and doesn't come back type. No there was no pack of cigs to get. He went to Iraq and didn't come home again. My FF family gathered around me and made sure I could talk when I needed to and just let me know they were there for me.

Things went up and down during the year. I felt like I was getting my feet on the ground and the anniversary of his death came around. I got quite a punch. It seemed to hurt so much more. Maybe it was the shock at first I don't know. But I went through a pretty bad time emotionally. I finally got a well deserved kick in the ass from my daughter (thank you Jen!) and I think I've been getting my life back on track.

Well once again, I've been sucker punched. You see things have been getting worse again. We found out that my son, who is in the Reserves, is being activated. He's being sent to, of all places, Iraq. He leaves this Sunday. I thought I could handle it. I thought things were going ok. Then Thanksgiving rolls around and my daughter said we needed to go around the table and name what we're thankful for. Brian said "I'm thankful that I get to spend Thanksgiving with all of you, because I have to leave on Sunday". At that moment I couldn't think of a dam thing to be thankful for. The country that took my husband and left me devastated now wanted to take my son. One side of me is proud of him -- for continuing to uphold everything that Bill stood for --- the other side of me is scared shitless.

Well, I have alot to be thankful for. I am thankful for the years that I had with Bill (granted they were too few for my liking -- but I had them none-the-less).

I'm thankful that I have my two kids, who have grown up to be mature (inspite of their ditzy mom) and take responsibilities that they shouldn't have to.

and I'm thankful for all the friends I've made from FF that are still there for me even when I'm not on the game. So thank you Yarr, Tal and Mikey. And especially Ket -- thanks for not letting me know that the shoulder was being drowned and letting me come back to wet it some more.

Cyn

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Don't fix me -- I'm not broken!
Yarr's love slave.

Its kinda funny how god does things sometimes. Things happen for a reason, and you just need to see the good of every situation. Any time you miss your husband just rember you have wonderful children who love you very much. I'm not a religious person but i've already lost one friend in Iraq and have a bunch more friends over there now. Tonight let our prayers go out to you and that your son returns home safe.

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"My dreams are all dead & buried. Sometimes I wish the sun would just explode. When God comes and calls me to his kingdom, I'll take all you sonsabitches when I go"

I miss you, Cyn =/

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Miss you Cyn, need you to come back so we have somebody that always welcomes you with a smile regardless of how bad the day went.

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I don't know what to say really...but I hope everything will go for the best for you and your son. =/

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Main: War75/Sam63/Blm71/Rng45
Sub: Nin37/Thf37/Whm37/Mnk30
Three nation: Done Zilart: Done CoP: Done

Cyn, we all miss you, and we hope that your irl gts better for you in the near future. I am here for you regardless of what happens, so just PM me if you need to talk.

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Cyntari youre an amazing person and I know great things are going to happen. We both know life can kick you in face and leave you with what feels like nothing but broken bones, but you have many times proved to me that no matter how difficult everything gets. Things can always get better.

I'm terrribly sorry for your loss Cyn, and now to have this terrible news. I know you and I don't know eachother very well, just any randoms comments we've made and read on this board to eachother, but I can definitely empathize with you and understand what you're going through. I know probably the last thing you need right now is anyone trying to downplay your feelings by saying they understand, or offering you some bullshit hallmark cliche's like everything happens for a reason. The truth is, as far as I've seen it that there is no reason really, no truth, no justice. The good people continue to get fucked and continue to rise above it and overcome it only to be kicked back down just when they start having faith in goodness again. But I am still thankful to be here everyday, and to still have some people and things left that can put a smile on my face, and when things get SO bad that I can still laugh at how ridiculous it is. They say that sorrow only carves a deeper well in your heart to be filled with joy, I definitely believe that a lot of the things I've had to go through in my life, led me to a place where I can truly appreciate and live life more fully having gone through them. I'm not really sure now if you can hang onto to that glint of hope, that you will have a good day again, and everything will somehow work out, and just know that it's ok to be miserable and to express that and that you have friends and people around you who even though it may not seem like it, will support you through this in some way. Whenever I hear about soemthing like this I always wish I was like ridiculously rich and had clout and could really do something to help, but for now all I can do is offer my words and to listen. If you ever need to talk or just someone to listen who understands, drop me a pm, or catch me online. I hope things get better for you Cyn and your family will be in my prayers.

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I don't think anyone can blame you for being scared. I sure as hell would be. But keep looking up. If you dwell on those things that scare you or make you sad, they tend to consume you.

It's one of the things that keeps me going in life; simply having something good in it that keeps me looking up. You have your daughter, I have my friends (and no, I'm not an emo kid complaining. I lost my father a little over 4 years ago to cancer).

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Dark is banned from ever touching my computer again.

Your an Awesome person Cyn and no one can take that from you. Life can only throw so much Crap/ bad luck at you till there is nothing left and nothing but Good things to happen to you and your Family. Bill maybe Gone but Thru your kids and how you Raise them i'm hopeing you see a little bit of him in each one of your kids and that alone would be enough to make you feel ok.

If you still stuck in your Bad luck Rutt. Come on VC and i'll play you some of my Convo starting Macros i have lol. (that was a inside joke if your confused anyone.)

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